Dreams

What are dreams? Not the dreams you have at night, but the dreams of what you would like to do with your life. I recently what the finale of one of those reality talent shows. They talked about how one previous winner is an example of how you should really follow your dream. I've had many dreams over my life, I have only had one come true. I have tried to follow a couple of the others, but I got nowhere. Why did I get nowhere with my dreams? It's called reality, with responsibilities to take care of and life to live, there is very little time left over to practice, write or do whatever.
Now I still have most of these dreams, but I also have a thing called reality. I know that I am no closer to achieving my dreams then I was twenty plus years ago when most of them first came into my head. I think instead of dreams I should call them wishes, since that is really what they are. Like winning the lottery, most dreams take an investment and lots of luck.
I recently realized even though my dreams mostly are unfulfilled I have many wants that have been realized. I can live with that, though it would be nice to have a dream come true.

Where was my support group?

I was recently looking up info on Jim Abbott, a one handed former MLB pitcher, when I stumbled upon a support group for people with upper limb difference. Upper limb difference (uld) is when someone is missing part of their upper limbs, like fingers or hand. This is something I was born with but recently found out what it's called. Growing up I only knew of one other person with uld but I never really knew him. I had no support group, I grew up normal. This support group I stumbled on made it sound like it's a real big challenge to have a uld. I never thought so.

Last night I talked with my mom and siblings about this. My mom told me that when the doctor told her about my hand her first thought and answer to the doctor was something like, oh well we'll through it. It's just a little challenge and we'll deal with it. My mom had to wear a back brace through much of her teens and my dad has a finger that has been fused and can't bend. So my parents knew that I would be just fine. I can't remember my parents ever treating my like I had a huge obstacle to over come.

As I was talking to my siblings my brother said he never really thought much about it. My little sister said for her it was totally normal and she never thought it was a hold back. She did tell me about a time when she was a sophomore and a friend of mine was a senior and they were in an assembly of sorts. The topic was about obstacles or something like that, they were talking about handicaps and my friend raised his hand and mentioned that one of his best friends growing up was handicapped. My sister thought who is his friend. He then mentioned his friend was missing a hand, my sister thought my brother is missing a hand, but he's not handicapped.

This story about my friend brings me to the point of the reason I originally started this blog. To help people realize that because I'm missing a hand does not mean I disabled. I pretty much function normally.

thank you

Fore some reason this is the hardest post to do. I've started it at least 10 times. There are many people that have taught me many important lessons, some about life others about my job, and a rare few that taught me about both. most of these people probably have no idea how much I learned from them.
Some people come into and leave your life so fast it takes years for you to realize the impact they had. I sometimes wonder the impact I've had on others.
I learned a long time ago not to let what other people think of me get to me. This I learned from some of these people. I'd like to thank these people for their examples and lessons they taught me. I don't think I could name them all and I don't want to leave any of them out so I'll just say one big thank you.

Choas of fire

Over the weekend we went to my parents for the 4th. Their street did a cul-de-sac of fire, it was more like chaos of fire. For the last ten years I have been the designated pyrotechnics guy in the family. I decided that I would rather watch this year then light any off. My brother-in-law took my place, he normally helps light them off with me. THere were a couple of other nieghbors that brought fireworks as well. The street did this last year and we took turns lighting them off. This year there were six guys lighting them off and they made sure that we always had fireworks going off, the major problem. Most the time they were lighting one off while blocking the view of some that were going. There was one my wife bought and was excited to see it. Because it was lit while about five fountains were going we missed seeing the coolness of it. Another problem with five fountains going off at once you really could focus on what to watch.
I have made decision that on the 24th, local utah holiday with fireworks, I am the one doing all the fireworks and no one else touches them. Hopefully with a little more control the display will easier to watch.

reality schmeality

Recently I was watching a special about a reality show "controversy" and it made me start to think about reality shows in general. Thinking back to fifteen years ago I don't think I would have wanted to watch someone's life on tv, or would I have cared if they were cheating on each other.

What does it say about our world today that one of the most popular shows on tv is about a couple who happen to have sextuplets? Or that "the octomom" just signed a deal for a reality show of her own. If you think about it there is a reality show for just about everything you could think of. Just to name a few that I have seen, a tatoo parlor, parking enforcement, an airline, rock stars, bounty hunters, a cake bakery and families with a lot of kids. That's just real life reality shows, then you have the game shows; Survior, Big Brother, Who wants to marry a makeover loser (you get the idea). Hey I've got one they haven't done yet but should. It's about a one handed designer and his wife who are normal people trying to make it in this big mixed up world that rewards people with fame and fortune for beeing selfish greedy morons.

I just wonder how these people get to be where they are. There are two shows about couples with sextuplets, one of wich they wife has let the fame go to her head and has become a very demanding diva. The other the couple really seem down to earth and like this fame thing hasn't destroyed their sence of what's important (their family, not the cameras).

Reflecting

I have recently had the opportunity to reflect on many things lately. A couple months ago I started to write a book I started fifteen years ago. This book is loosely based on me in my junior year, so as I write about people I knew and things we did, many memories came flooding back. I have started to think how I used to treat people, and how I didn't realize how some people were better friends then I thought.
One of these friends was a guy named Tim. Tim was a year younger then me and I used to drive him to school. Tim wasn't very popular at all, and sometimes I thought he was very annoying. Tim also worked with me for a while, when we were scheduled together we would drive in together as well. There were many times I would try and ditch him if I was going somewhere after work, or if I had mutual friends over I wouldn't invite him over.
It was one of those days that I should have realized at the time how good a friend Tim was. I had a party at my house with friends from school and work, all of which Tim knew and they knew him. As the party was winding down my friends from school decided they were going home. My friends from work decided they wanted to go see Tim, he lived one neighborhood to the west from me.
A couple of people went a picked him up and brought him back. School friends left at this point. My work friends, most of which live ten or more miles away, decided they were all going to Jane's (name made up) house. Jane has a sound proof basement so it wouldn't wake her parents. Somehow Tim and I were the only ones that got in my car. We were supposed to meet at a parking lot and play follow the leader to her house.
To shorten this story Tim and I got left behind. When we finally got to Jane's house there was a note on the door telling us to go around back. There ended up being a lot of high school drama and I ended up leaving really confused and ticked off at the world. I really needed someone to talk to and the only one that I could turn to was Tim.
There were several other times that high school drama happened and Tim was the only one I could talk to. In my 31 years there have only been five people I could ever just talk to about anything and they would just listen and let me vent, then give some good advice. Tim is the only one that I didn't call a true friend until years later. I wonder if he has any idea how much he meant to me back then, I know it's been fifteen years now but Tim Thank you.

Actions.

A few weeks ago a coworker and I were having a conversation about a bunch of different things and it was mentioned that he thought I was good at my job. I told him I just come in do my job the best I know how and if that's not good enough then oh well. He mentioned that I probably had a bigger effect on people just by doing that then I could know. I really didn't think about that until this week end.

Friday night my wife and I went to my parents house for the week end. It's about an hour from our house so we spend the night when we go to their house.when we got there my mom and I were in the kitchen and she told me that one of their neighbors, who was a youth leader for me in church when I was a teen, had been cleaning a hand gun in his kitchen. The gun went off and shot through his finger. That happened a couple weeks ago, and the doctors told him they will amputate it in a couple of weeks.

My mom had been talking to his wife and mentioned he could talk to me but not to expect sympathy from me.

This was a man that I looked up to for guidance as teen. So this morning my wife and I went to church with my parents. As soon as we walked in the chapel I heard this man call me. I walked over and was greeted with a hug. Then he raised his bandaged hand and asked if I had heard what had happened. I mentioned I did. As my dad walked up to hear what was going on, the man began to tell me how when he was my leader he noticed that it didn't matter what we were doing as a group but I was always there trying to do everything every one else was doing to. That he noticed I never let my lack of a hand slow me down. He mentioned his wife told him what my mom told her. Then he told me something that really caught me off guard. He said that as he's been trying to do things and thinks he can't because his hand is wrapped up he thinks about me and how I could figure out how to do anything, he tries to figure out how he can do it.

After church my wife and I were talking about this and I mentioned that it makes me wonder how many people I have affected in this way, and that if that is one of the reasons I was born without a hand is to help people know you can still do things if something happens, like shooting off your finger. It all goes back to the conversation I had with my coworker, you never know how people see you when you are just doing the things you're supposed to, the best you know how.