Broken spirit

If this post offends you, tough. I make no apologies for what I'm about to write. I do apologize if it sounds like I'm complaining, I am just using this blog as a venting place from time to time when something really gets to me.
This morning after dropping my wife off at work, I put on my favorite talk radio station and as I was driving home they had on a little minute or two spot from a family therapist. He started off by saying many people are suffering from a broken spirit. My curiosity was peaked and I listened as he went on to explain that many people especially kids have broken spirits because of being ridiculed by peers. My advise to them is "GET OVER IT." If this is the first post of mine you are reading I was born with out fingers on my right hand, because of this I had to learn at a very young age that people (especially kids) can be extremely mean. I can't tell you how many days I got made fun of and even left out of something because of my hand.
I realized that it was pointless to let all the taunting and jokes others made at my expense get to me. I knew it was just ignorance on their part, that if they got to know me they wouldn't call me a one handed freak, or they would let me play with their group.
The therapist went on to say that one kid lost his will to live over the teasing of his protruding ears. He actually considered suicide. To that I say are you really are going to let some punks opinion of you dictate your life like that? I wouldn't give them that kind of power over my life. Trust me it's not easy living with a deformity like mine, but I learned a long time ago that I'm the only one who can control how I think of myself. I also learned that if you ignore the teasing and the taunting, they will get bored and move on to someone else. And most of the time they make fun of others because that's the only way they can feel good about themselves.
Now to give you an example that really happened to me, that I got over fairly quickly. It happened when I was 22. I was taking a religion class at night and I met this girl, named Megan (made up name). After a few weeks in class Megan and I had been paired up a couple times for a class assignment, I asked her out to a concert that was going to be at the college, she said yes. The night of the concert we went to dinner with my Sister and her finance. Then we went to the concert, I thought the night went well. The next time we had class she walked in and I said hi to her. She looked at me and walked to a desk on the other side of the room. a few weeks went by I had tried calling her and she never returned my calls. One night after class a friend of hers in the same class asked me why I was bothering her. I explained that I thought we had had fun, and I wanted to go out with her again. She told that wasn't possible. I asked why, She said, "Megan didn't realize you were missing a hand when she agreed to go out with you. Don't try talking to her again."
I could have easily let this brake my spirit and start moping around, instead I said oh well her loss and with in a couple months I met a girl who saw me for me and didn't care that I had five fingers.
Today's world is way to worried about what others think. Political correctness is destroying our society. Making sure kids feelings aren't hurt is making the children ultra sensitive. Having it so kids can't fail doesn't do anything to prepare them for the real world, quite the opposite. I've heard that teachers can't use red pen to correct papers any more because it makes the kids feel bad. I work in an industry that probably uses more red pens then every other industry put together. So what's that going to do when these kids get into this industry. Are we going to have a bunch of people start freaking out because the get drawing back with a bunch of red on them? Are we going to have a lot more broken spirits? People need to understand one thing, only they can brake their spirits, no one else can brake it for them. After you understand that then you can get over it, and live your life and not let others control how you live it. If I hadn't done this who knows where I'd be today.

Fairylife

This post is related to my last one in a way. The first line of one of my favorite songs is, "you'll grow old living in your own fairytale." For some reason I had this part of the song running through my head this morning. It was going through my head while getting ready this morning. I started to really pay attention to those words. What does it mean? How true are the words?
I have always been a day dreamer, but never let it get in the way. Most of the time I play these day dreams out while I am driving by myself, trying to fall a sleep. These dreams haven't changed much over the last ten years. I think that "growing old in my fairytale" would mean letting these day dreams run my life. I don't pretend that these could ever really come true, I know they are more of a fantasy "prefect" life. I think that the day dreaming is good for exercising my creativity. The dreams are in my mind kind of a silly thing to do, so I don't share what these dreams are in any real detail. I think I told my wife a real vague description of what they are.
The song goes on to ask the question "all those fancy things, do they keep you warm at night? Do the hold you when you cry in the dark?" I get from this that you may get all that is in your own fairytale but will it bring you happiness? It really makes me think about my priorities in life, and what they should be. I hope that I have my priorities right, and that I am not "growing old in my own fairytale.

Dreams

What are dreams? Not the dreams you have at night, but the dreams of what you would like to do with your life. I recently what the finale of one of those reality talent shows. They talked about how one previous winner is an example of how you should really follow your dream. I've had many dreams over my life, I have only had one come true. I have tried to follow a couple of the others, but I got nowhere. Why did I get nowhere with my dreams? It's called reality, with responsibilities to take care of and life to live, there is very little time left over to practice, write or do whatever.
Now I still have most of these dreams, but I also have a thing called reality. I know that I am no closer to achieving my dreams then I was twenty plus years ago when most of them first came into my head. I think instead of dreams I should call them wishes, since that is really what they are. Like winning the lottery, most dreams take an investment and lots of luck.
I recently realized even though my dreams mostly are unfulfilled I have many wants that have been realized. I can live with that, though it would be nice to have a dream come true.

Where was my support group?

I was recently looking up info on Jim Abbott, a one handed former MLB pitcher, when I stumbled upon a support group for people with upper limb difference. Upper limb difference (uld) is when someone is missing part of their upper limbs, like fingers or hand. This is something I was born with but recently found out what it's called. Growing up I only knew of one other person with uld but I never really knew him. I had no support group, I grew up normal. This support group I stumbled on made it sound like it's a real big challenge to have a uld. I never thought so.

Last night I talked with my mom and siblings about this. My mom told me that when the doctor told her about my hand her first thought and answer to the doctor was something like, oh well we'll through it. It's just a little challenge and we'll deal with it. My mom had to wear a back brace through much of her teens and my dad has a finger that has been fused and can't bend. So my parents knew that I would be just fine. I can't remember my parents ever treating my like I had a huge obstacle to over come.

As I was talking to my siblings my brother said he never really thought much about it. My little sister said for her it was totally normal and she never thought it was a hold back. She did tell me about a time when she was a sophomore and a friend of mine was a senior and they were in an assembly of sorts. The topic was about obstacles or something like that, they were talking about handicaps and my friend raised his hand and mentioned that one of his best friends growing up was handicapped. My sister thought who is his friend. He then mentioned his friend was missing a hand, my sister thought my brother is missing a hand, but he's not handicapped.

This story about my friend brings me to the point of the reason I originally started this blog. To help people realize that because I'm missing a hand does not mean I disabled. I pretty much function normally.

thank you

Fore some reason this is the hardest post to do. I've started it at least 10 times. There are many people that have taught me many important lessons, some about life others about my job, and a rare few that taught me about both. most of these people probably have no idea how much I learned from them.
Some people come into and leave your life so fast it takes years for you to realize the impact they had. I sometimes wonder the impact I've had on others.
I learned a long time ago not to let what other people think of me get to me. This I learned from some of these people. I'd like to thank these people for their examples and lessons they taught me. I don't think I could name them all and I don't want to leave any of them out so I'll just say one big thank you.

Choas of fire

Over the weekend we went to my parents for the 4th. Their street did a cul-de-sac of fire, it was more like chaos of fire. For the last ten years I have been the designated pyrotechnics guy in the family. I decided that I would rather watch this year then light any off. My brother-in-law took my place, he normally helps light them off with me. THere were a couple of other nieghbors that brought fireworks as well. The street did this last year and we took turns lighting them off. This year there were six guys lighting them off and they made sure that we always had fireworks going off, the major problem. Most the time they were lighting one off while blocking the view of some that were going. There was one my wife bought and was excited to see it. Because it was lit while about five fountains were going we missed seeing the coolness of it. Another problem with five fountains going off at once you really could focus on what to watch.
I have made decision that on the 24th, local utah holiday with fireworks, I am the one doing all the fireworks and no one else touches them. Hopefully with a little more control the display will easier to watch.

reality schmeality

Recently I was watching a special about a reality show "controversy" and it made me start to think about reality shows in general. Thinking back to fifteen years ago I don't think I would have wanted to watch someone's life on tv, or would I have cared if they were cheating on each other.

What does it say about our world today that one of the most popular shows on tv is about a couple who happen to have sextuplets? Or that "the octomom" just signed a deal for a reality show of her own. If you think about it there is a reality show for just about everything you could think of. Just to name a few that I have seen, a tatoo parlor, parking enforcement, an airline, rock stars, bounty hunters, a cake bakery and families with a lot of kids. That's just real life reality shows, then you have the game shows; Survior, Big Brother, Who wants to marry a makeover loser (you get the idea). Hey I've got one they haven't done yet but should. It's about a one handed designer and his wife who are normal people trying to make it in this big mixed up world that rewards people with fame and fortune for beeing selfish greedy morons.

I just wonder how these people get to be where they are. There are two shows about couples with sextuplets, one of wich they wife has let the fame go to her head and has become a very demanding diva. The other the couple really seem down to earth and like this fame thing hasn't destroyed their sence of what's important (their family, not the cameras).